I've said this before and I'll say it again: You have to start being yourself by at least the second date. This is no truer than when pets come into the picture. It's all too easy to "ooh" and "ahh" and pal around with some hottie's Chihuahua to get her to like you when all you really want to do is drop-kick Fido and score a field goal. Big mistake. A friend of mine is now the proud co-owner of two Yorkies, and both sides of the couple wish the mutts would get into the cleaning cabinet and have a few drinks -- but they can't imagine parting with two members of the "family" (let alone explaining what happened to the kids).
Also, beware of "gateway dogs." You meet her when she has a loveable boxer you truly enjoy scrapin' around with. Flash forward 6 months and dozens of dates. She brings home Puddles, the adorable poodle she's sure you'll love because you get along with Buster so well. Rut row! Can't really say no now. Better get used to walking a gaggle of dogs that all weigh less than a pitcher of beer, bite your ankles, start yipping at 5 a.m., and now share your pillow.
As for me, I'm a cat guy. We grew up with them in the house, sitting on laps and so on. My lady grew up in the country and had cats as well -- she wasn't a huge fan, but she tolerated them. So one day I say, "How about a cat?", and she says "OK". I envision the little furball watching TV from my lap, napping happily by the window on a little bed, and going outside to chase birds and do its business. My lady imagines a cat living in the bushes chasing away lizards and the snakes and mice we don't have in the city, and occasionally tracking us down outside for a little head scratch. You may have now noticed slightly different takes on cat-owning-utopia. Of course, neither of us actually mentioned any of this to the other until Fluffy was ours. I would say hilarity ensued, but it hasn't really been that fun.
So, like I said, you get one date to be a pushover and try to get a second one. After that, you had better be yourself, because if you don't, you'll pay for it later. Not only that, but never assume you guys have the same take on a given subject. Because the ol' "assuming making an ass of you and me" adage is never a bigger deal than in a romantic relationships.
In love - as in life - image matters a lot. When you set up or revamp your online dating profile, it's smart to present yourself in the best (and safest) light. How, you might ask? Just follow our six easy steps.
Hey Man, Nice Shot
Smile, and look into the camera. Pick a photo that doesn't include other people, those giant bug-eye sunglasses you love, or pounds of makeup. Remember - your dates want to see you. What doesn't work, according to researchers at the much heralded OKCupid dating site: a flirty expression on either gender while looking away from the camera - presumably at someone else. And keep in mind that excessive cleavage and drunken party shots may generate a big response, but probably not the kind you're looking for.
(Don't) Lie to Me
The truth is, many people exaggerate in their profiles - typically about height, weight, and income, but also about things like age, marital status, and how recent that "recent" photo was taken. The temptation to fib is understandable but unproductive. Lies will be found out, whether at your first meeting when you show up looking 10 years older and 6 inches shorter than your online self ... or later when you're more involved with someone and the stakes are higher. Don't set yourself - or your dates - up for that kind of heartache.
Quirky vs. Creepy
Mention your passions - that's how good conversations begin. But stop for a second to consider how potential dates will interpret what you say. Loving horror and suspense films is fine. Saying you've watched Silence of the Lambs 300 times might scare some people away. Save that for later in your real-world relationship, when your partner knows from experience that you're a sane and stable person who happens to really dig Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lecter.
Avoid Oversharing
Online dating is basically a high-tech way of talking to strangers. And while most people are online to find partners, it's safe to assume there are always going be some who are bent on doing harm. Be careful about what you post, even if you think it doesn't give anything away. If a potential date has your last name and you mention that you own a house in a particular city, for example, he or she could get resourceful and look you up in the online tax rolls (which are public record), get your address, find out how much you paid for your home, etc. From there it's a quick click to Google to see a satellite photo of your house, yard and maybe your car. Protect yourself by giving out minimal personal details until you know someone well and have met in person more than once.
Take it Easy
If you have a gift for writing and can communicate irony, it's fine to lay on a cheesy line. For most of us, though, it's best to steer clear of anything that might seem overbearing or heavy-handed - or just not translate well out of context. It's hard to read people's intent online - we can't see your facial expressions or hear your tone of voice - so "Where have I been all your life?" might seem hilarious to you but obnoxious to someone else. Once you get to know your potential dates in real life, then you can let that silly flag fly. But first you have to meet them, so play it cool for now.
Seriously, Folks
Like cheesy lines, too much kidding around in your profile can make suitors (or suit-ees) think you consider online dating one big joke. No one likes to be made fun of, or have their time wasted, so show people you're there because you really are looking for love. If you're not sure whether your light-hearted approach is too much, ask a friend to proof your profile and offer feedback.
With the right mug shot, the right information (honestly and carefully presented), and the right attitude, you'll be ready to meet others who are interested in what you're interested in: finding someone to spend time with, both on and offline. And maybe someone to watch Silence of the Lambs with for the 301st time.
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